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Young Writers Society



The Amulet of Nocens

by Sammi D


[Hello! This is my first attempt at a novel-length on this site, so I hope I'm doing this right. :? Prologue will be posted first of course, and then when I have the next chapter ready, I put it up as a new post in the same thread? If anyone who decides to check my story out could clear this up for me, I would appreciate it. ^_^ Compliments and criticism welcome, and enjoy!]

Prologue

“Come out Merlin … you cannot hide forever,”

The words traveled by in an unassuming breeze, slithering through branches and rustling the leaves. Fading into the sky, they left the forest silent with baited breath, an eerie calm before the storm. Yet nothing came out from beneath the bushes, no one jumped from the trees and the forest remained as quiet as ever. The air quivered with energy of an unseen force, causing every living thing to tremble in unison.

“It’s useless Merlin, make it easy on yourself and give in,”

Nothing moved, yet the powers amongst the trees seemed to shake the air, searching for the man known as Merlin. But no matter how hard they searched, the only force that would reveal the young magician was himself. His fear had him hidden amongst the roots of a great oak tree, invisible to both the naked human eye and the powers that sought after him. But the problem with fear was – no matter how strong it could be – it never did any good. Fear helped you run from your problems, but never solve them. His fear couldn’t conceal him forever.

Yet Merlin was filled with nothing but fear as he sat there, the strong odor of moist soil and rotting leaves wafting up into his nostrils. Destiny had led him down this path too early, expecting him to use the knowledge of many years at the age of eighteen. By stature, he was a man, but not in mind or heart. To defeat these forces was impossible; he never experienced love nor passion, the only two powers he had on his side. He was scared; he couldn’t help it.

He closed his eyes, crossing his arms before his chest as he hummed a soothing tune from long ago. Where he had learned it, he could not remember, but it calmed him enough to cease his shaking. Fear still hid him, but soon, warmth spread through him to the tips of his fingertips. He did not know what was going on, until an image of two bright blue eyes filled his mind, causing his heart to shiver with disbelief. No, it couldn’t be … it had been so long ago.

“You claim to never have loved, am I nothing but a whisper of the past?”

Her voice; that silky voice that pulled him back to times he could hardly recall. In one burst, it all filled his mind. The moonlight on her face, her eyes that twinkled like stars, the feel of her hand in his, the hope that he had found love and it would forever stay. Then the rest came back; the darkness of the night, the sight of her eyes hollow without life, the chill that refused to leave him the moment he saw her lying in the grass. An ache spread through him, which soon turned into a stabbing pain digging into the walls he had built around himself. His emotions burst from the cage that he had created with hopes of them dying eventually. But emotions never did die, did they?

“It hurt too much to love you after you were gone,”

An airy laugh rippled through the night, echoing in his mind. He felt chills raise the goosebumps on his skin, as the memories continued to flood back to him. The days they spent as children, hiding amongst the tall grasses of the fields, trying to catch faeries with fruitless results. Then the sun would set, and they’d lie beneath the stars, gazing at the sky with endless wonder for what it held. It was a friendship he thought would last forever, an unexpected love that would never die. But then reality reared its ugly head, and snatched his innocence and dreams away.

“Pain makes us human; we are nothing without it,”

Merlin could feel tears beginning to leak from the corners of his eyes. The mere sound of her voice filled him with such a longing for the past, before any of this came about. He wanted to return to the times of dandelions and dancing faeries; waking up to the sun and whispering goodnight to the moon, the ability to simply live life without worry. Was it so much to ask for from life; to be happy, without fear of when it would end?

“I miss you,”

He could find no other words to say but those. How lonely life had been since that night; how the burden of guilt weighed upon his chest like an anchor out at sea. He was tiptoeing on the brink of death and defeat, yet all he could think about was the memories they shared from oh so long ago. He was foolish to dwell on the past when he had to fight in the present, to secure the future.

“Love cannot die with the death of a body, Merlin. True love is shared between two souls, and cannot fade with the stillness of a once beating heart. You hold the power to fight your battles, and it’s time you set it free,”

Her final words grew softer, till all that filled his mind was the rushing of his own thoughts. The thudding of his heartbeat pounded mercilessly in his ears, rattling his ribcage. He desperately wanted her to come back, but even he knew that he had heard her voice for the last time. Yet despite the longing he felt for her to return, the words she had said remained engraved in his thoughts. Once he had recognized his love for her, it had never died. Emotions either changed or hid, but never disappeared forever.

And it was this assurance that caused his fear to fade away, soon to be replaced by a growing courage that rose up inside him. Fear hid him no longer; he was visible, forced into the middle of the playing arena now.

Suddenly, a chorus of wicked cackling sounded around him, piercing through his ears and causing him to cringe. The wind picked up and threw mighty gusts around him, clouding his vision and clogging his throat with a thick fog. The voices continued to screech in amusement, raging around him like a swirling serpent.

“Aha, so mighty Merlin has come out to play. Show us your face!”

The wind struck upwards with surprising force, crashing into his jaw and knocking his teeth together. Ever-flowing gusts kept his head raised to the sky, the wind blurring his vision with tears. All he could see was fog, yet it laughed in return at the sight of his face.

“This is the Merlin we’ve been hearing about; with age old wisdom and a magic never seen? Hah! What foolishness, he is nothing but a young boy. His skin does not hold a single wrinkle to give evidence to the years he has seen pass by,”

A tickling breeze slowly caressed his face, like the taunting hand of a temptress. He shuddered against the feeling, gritting his teeth to control his screams. As gentle as the touch felt, it sent agonizing streaks of pain through him, sharp as knives and hot as fire. Greed, jealousy, anger, hate … they all grated on him like nails on a board. It took all the nerve left in him to not cry out in horror, but he was finally able to relax his muscles when the winds let him go. He fell limply back onto his own two feet again, his limbs suddenly weak when left to their own power.

“Well let us get this meager task out of the way then. Come Mr. Merlin; let us show you how we use our magic,”

Before he could even blink, the fog all rushed upward, colliding together before disappearing to different ends of the sky. Everything was silent for a moment, as Merlin stood there in anticipation.

Just as he was able to partially compose himself, he heard a creak, and then felt a shadow pass over him, hiding him in darkness. Startled, he looked up to see a mighty oak tree leaning over him, its branches positioned in a threatening stance. Immediately, the leaves left on its branches withered to nothing, leaving only the remains to fall into small piles on the ground. The bark began to split and fade, unable to keep its splendor with such deadly forces controlling it.

Trying to move gracefully after years of remaining put, the branches crackled and squeaked as they moved, trying to become agile enough to pounce on its prey. But thinking quickly, Merlin jumped out of its path, backing up till he slid away from its shadow. Soon, the next nearest tree sprung to life as well, waving its branches in the air like a warrior ready to battle.

Merlin continued to back away farther and farther, but the next tree and the next became possessed, eventually leaving him no where to turn. Every tree in the forest – both big and small – had come to life, with the dark forces controlling their every move. He could do nothing but stand in the center of it all, looking up with terror at the battle he now had to face.

A chorus of malicious voices spoke to him in unison. “Up, down, left and right … no where for Merlin to turn, alright!”

Fear began to creep through him again, but it would not hide him this time. He was caught in a corner, and there was truly no where to turn. Overwhelmed and afraid, he began to tremble again. But suddenly, her words came back to him in a soft whisper across his mind.

“You hold the power to fight your battles, and it’s time you set it free …”

Swallowing, Merlin placed a steadying hand on his thudding heart. Unexpectedly, he felt a cool metal beneath his fingertips, which he instinctively took hold of with the entire palm of his hand. Looking down, he saw a round, gold amulet, hanging by a chain from his neck. In the center, was an engraving of a rose, its petals colored red by some work of magic. Two leaves grew from its stem, as green as fresh spring moss. Bordering its edges was a patterned frame, with the words “Prosum increbresco semper” repeated again and again all around the locket. He did not know where it came from, but looking at the locket and feeling it between his fingers sent a surge of hope through his body.

It was suddenly clear to him about what he had to do.

The trees were now pulling their roots from the ground, sending mighty vibrations through the ground and shaking the earth. Their roots now functioning like feet, they took one careful step after the other; slowly, but gaining great distance with each one. Merlin turned to run; but the tremors from the trees’ weights sent him toppling face-first into the dirt, leaving him with a mouthful of mud and a spinning in his head.

Sputtering the dirt from his mouth, he shook his head and turned to face upwards again. Every tree had now formed a circle around him, leaning into the center with their branches poised for attack. Loud, grating guffaws filled the air once more, sounding in his ears with a taunting echo. But above even their sound, her words came once again.

“True love is shared between two souls, and cannot fade with the stillness of a once beating heart.”

Taking hold of the amulet, he ripped it from his neck, snapping the chain in half. He looked at its center, the rose shining brightly even when cast in shadow. The memory of her eyes carved itself into his head, the sound of her voice soothing him like a harp’s melody, till they were all that filled him. The words forming its border seemed to swirl around and around endlessly, circling his mind and heart till they burst with emotion. His power was unleashed.

“Prosum increbresco semper!” Merlin screamed into the chorus of cackling demons, “Good always prevails!”

A blinding ray of crimson light erupted from the center of the amulet, piercing through the canopy of tangled branches above. It hit the smallest branches of the trees and swiftly spread to thicker limbs, the trunks and the roots till they all glowed red. The laughs of the demons quickly turned to screams, high-pitched shrieks of agony and pain.

Merlin watched in astonishment as the trees twisted and coiled in anguish, unable to handle the pure love and compassion seeping through their forms. Finally, the spirits rose from the trees as a feeble fog, only to be dragged into the pull of the red light still emitting from the amulet.

One by one, they were quickly jerked into its beam, sliding through it and disappearing into the amulet. It grew burning hot from all the power it was absorbing, but Merlin held on tight, afraid to let go in worry of reversing it. In a matter of moments, the last of the demons was sucked into the amulet with one last screech, allowing both the red light and the scream to finally fade away into the night.

In a state of shock, Merlin’s chest heaved up and down, his breath lost with the event that just occurred. His fingers continued to grip the amulet for dear life, even though it was now scorching hot and easily burning his skin. Eyes wide, he looked down at it, to see the rose was now beginning to lose its color. He hurriedly looked around him for any sign of witnesses; no one.

Shakily, he rose to his feet, still holding tight to the amulet as if afraid it would jump out of his grasp and scurry away. The trees had frozen in their spots, remaining just inches away from each other like they had been when they were about to destroy him. In his hand, he suddenly realized he held all the dark forces that had been plaguing his world for centuries. He had not defeated them, but he had put him to rest in this gold locket.

There was only one thing to do: hide it. Stow it far away from the rest of the world, and hide it with every magic spell and incantation he knew. It was not safe with him; he could not simply keep it. No one could ever find this amulet; it held too much power to rest in one human’s hands, which was why he had to get it out of his possession as quickly as he could.

And with that, he turned and ran into the thicket of trees, knowing exactly the place.


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Wed Apr 12, 2006 10:23 am
Swires says...



JigSaw picked out alot that I was going to say, I liked reading it and I agree that the proligue does seem a little long, perhaps rename it to chapter one?




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Tue Apr 11, 2006 4:55 am
Jiggity wrote a review...



Nonsense. Ive read prologues equally as long. Well, true to form, you've written exceptionally well, which is kinda grating but hey, your talented and good for you. So, anyway: I really love Arthurian like tales, well I like Merlin's and Morgan Le Fay's role in them anyway, the rest I take no interest in. While being very good, this still needs some work.

To defeat these forces was impossible; he never experienced love nor passion, the only two powers he had on his side.


He has never experienced love or passion? What is he? Heartless? I think not, that needs to be changed, perhaps to "he wasnt experienced in the ways of love and passion". The only two powers he had on his side? The most powerful wizarding figure in mythology (and I know he's young but still) and thats all he has on his side!! As my delusional Jehovis Witness friend would say "Balderdash!"

But suddenly, her words came back to him in a soft whisper across his mind.


There are two things you could do with this...neither of which you used. This doesnt, to me, fit in. He only just heard those words, did he forget then suddenly remember them when frightened for his life? Unrealistic. No, in order for her words to inspire him, you should change it to something like "fear would have overcome him had it not been for her words, which he went over feverishly in his mind" or "Then her words came back to him"


Finally, the spirits rose from the trees as a feeble fog,


First they are seemingly omnipotent, or at least very strong, then suddenly they are feeble? There should at least be a struggle involved. Add that in.

In his hand, he suddenly realized he held all the dark forces that had been plaguing his world


All the dark forces in the world!! Are you entirely mad?! OKay, so the only reason that Im going to the effort to write this, and indeed be very critical is because I really like this work and it has vast potential. There are so many things wrong with that quote:

1) Evil is characterized by chaos and selfishness and all sorts of other majiggy's so there's no way in hell that all the dark forces in the world would be in the same area or be working together.

2) No one, not even the gods, could contain/defeat all the dark forces in the world. If they did it wouldnt be wioth a single burst of love from a young man. Thats just not going to happen.

3) There needs to be evil in the world. It is the contrast by which good is defined and by defeating and ridding the world of evil you essentially destroy whatever plot there might have been. Who is evil in the world then? What struggles will there be in this novel? What will the characters struggle against? etc etc you get the point.

I really enjoyed this piece and there's a little more I'd like to say but at the moment I dont have the time. So I'll end by saying: This is extremely good and even more so as its your first novel-length attempt at writing. Keep writing but keep what I said in mind. Your doing very well.

~Jiggy




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Mon Apr 10, 2006 8:39 pm
Poetriez says...



Ok yes you cna just dedit your post and make it longer as stuff comes up. ONe thing your prologue seems really long its like 2500 words prologues arent normally really bug unless your chapters will be alot bigger.





I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
— Steven Wright